


why?

by moxleysbaby



Category: Dean Ambrose - Fandom, Jon Moxley - Fandom, WWE, WWE Raw - Fandom, wwe smackdown - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Smut, The Trifecta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxleysbaby/pseuds/moxleysbaby
Summary: the one where you’re not sure Dean loves you anymore
Relationships: Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Original Female Character(s), Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Reader, Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/You
Kudos: 23





	why?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! x

You had just finished putting the last layer of lasagna together and into the oven when the door slammed shut and Dean was hit with the noise of his little girl crying. He saw you rushing around in the open-plan living room and kitchen. You were still in your skirt and blouse from work. Normally he would be so happy to be home and while he still was, it didn’t feel the same anymore and it frustrated him that he didn’t know why or how to make it better.

So he pushed you away.

He thought it would make it hurt less for you.

He slowly stopped calling you when he was on the road. Only occasionally to talk to Ally, your 7-month-old and Alex, your eldest who was 8.

He started calling to cancel date nights and then he stopped cancelling on you.

He simply didn’t show up.

Then he stopped kissing you. You hadn’t touched each other in any way in nearly a month and it was driving you crazy.

You didn’t know what to do.

You couldn’t do anything. You were helpless. You would never force Dean to love you if he didn’t. You weren’t that type of wife. You weren’t even that type of woman.

How could you force the man you loved with all your heart, the father of your children to love you? You couldn’t and you wouldn’t.

So you suffered in silence.

You watched as Dean came up to Ally in her high chair, strapped in at the breakfast bar with toys on the floor around her. Alex was out in the garden playing a game of football with his friends. You sighed as you hoped that Dean would take her so that you could finish up in the kitchen without having to turn back every second to see if she was okay. You were nervous about tomorrow because you were going to be introduced as the replacement of your predecessor in a big meeting and although you’d worked there for years, you wanted to make a good impression on the higher-ups.

The memory felt so far away. But you could still remember it clear as day.

You had just come out of your boss’ office and you couldn’t wipe the grin off your face. Nothing could. You were finally up for the promotion that you’d been working your ass off for. Your boss had finally seen all the extra hours and effort you’d put in over the years you’d been working at the company and had decided that you would be getting a promotion. You ran to your mini office and grabbed your phone before running to the bathroom down the hall because you wanted to call Dean in some privacy.

‘Hello?” Dean answered, breathing heavily.

“Hi, baby! How are you? Are you in the gym?” You asked

“Yeah, I’m good. Nah I just got back to the room.”

“Oh, that’s good! So, I have some news!” You called out, excitement in your voice was already evident.

“Oh yeah? What is it?” Dean asked curiously.

“I got it!!!” The excitement was bursting through your pores at this point.

He had a feeling it was about your job because you wouldn’t normally call him at this hour unless it was important and he knew you had been stressed out about this promotion since it had been announced that there was an opening.

You deserved it because you had earned it. You had put in countless hours and effort for and it had all been working towards this one position.

“Oh my god baby I’m SO excited for you! I can’t wait to come home and celebrate with you and the kids when I get home tomorrow! We might be able to have a little fun time as well if we drop the kids off at your mum’s house!” Dean said suggestively.

“Me too! God, I really miss you right now…” The sadness had seeped into your voice ever so slightly but you didn’t let it get you down. You had worked hard for this promotion and you’d be damned if you let something ruin your day.

The memory brought tears to your eyes as you thought about the difference in how Dean was with you but you blinked them away. It wasn’t the time to get upset. You just didn’t know what to do anymore. When Dean used to come home, he would pick you up and give you the biggest kiss whilst mumbling about how much he had missed you and loved you. When you had Alex and Ally, you would all sit and have a movie night even when Ally was too small to actually understand anything because you could. Dean couldn’t normally sit still for long because that’s not the type of person he was but for you and his kids, he would do anything.

You didn’t understand what had changed and even though you didn’t want to think of the worst, you couldn’t help it. Because as far as you know, a month ago, something in Dean had changed. You didn’t know what it was and as was your habit, you immediately thought of the worst. Dean didn’t love you anymore. He couldn’t.

How can you love someone and treat them in this way?

You can’t.

You were just about done with dinner so you called out to Alex and his friends to help set the table.

“Alex, honey, can you guys come and set the table for everyone?”

You heard small groans from him and his friends as they dragged themselves away from their game.

“Coming mum!” Alex called out from the garden.

Small feet scraped against the carpet in front of the glass sliding doors that led to the garden and then came to the chest of drawers full of cutlery and napkins. They set a place for you, Dean, Alex and his 3 friends whilst leaving a gap for Ally’s high chair.

You put the mashed peas and sweet potato for her in the microwave before the oven chirped signalling that the lasagna was done. You pulled it out and set it out on a table mat along with a knife to cut it up.

“Bubba can you go get dad and your sister?” You asked Alex, hoping he would be as good as he normally was and get Dean and Ally from the living room.

Alex ran off with his friends to find Dean and his sister. The microwave beeped and you pulled out the food before scooping it into a silicon bowl and put it on the table in front of the highchair along with the salad you had cut up. Just as you did, feet came bounding into the room and you glanced up at Dean to see him holding Ally in his arms looking blankly at you. You gave him a small smile before ducking back into the kitchen muttering something about needing drinks.

Once everyone was seated, you began plating food for everyone. Giving Alex and his friends some then giving some to Dean and handing his plate to him before putting a plate of lasagna and salad together for yourself. You turned to see Ally waiting patiently in her chair. You were thankful for that because you had a massive headache and the last thing you wanted was for Ally to cry. You didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it.

“Hello, bubba! Are you hungry? Yeah, I bet you are!” You squealed happily at her.

Dean made small talk with Alex and his friends, asking about their day and what they learnt at school today. He may not have spoken to you for a while but Dean was always a good dad. You would never try to deny or say otherwise.

Just as you had finished feeding Ally, Dean’s chair scraped loudly against the wooden oak flooring of your dining room.

You peeked up to see him take his plate into the kitchen before returning to tuck his chair in and kiss Alex and Ally on the head.

“Can you take Ally and get her ready for bed, please? I have a lot to do today.” You practically pleaded with Dean.

He took Ally without looking or replying to you. You were grateful because it meant that you only had to worry about Alex.

“I’m heading up. Make sure you keep it down, boys.” He directed at Alex and his friends before turning out of the room without so much as a glance at you.

Alex watched on as his mother’s eyes teared up at watching his dad walk out of the room and it angered him. He may only be 8 but even he had noticed that his parents hadn’t been acting the way they had for his entire life. His mum’s eyes always looked a little sadder when his dad was around and his dad didn’t kiss or even really talk to his mum anymore. His mum was normally very happy and cheery but when his dad came into the room, she would stop talking, look down and carry on with whatever she was doing.

Alex ate his food quickly with his friends before showing them all the routine in your house. They put their plates and cups in the sink and washed their hands.

“Mum, can we go outside again?” Alex came back to the dining room flanked by his friends as you were finishing up your food.

“Yes but only for a little while, it’s starting to get cold out.” You replied.

“Okay thanks, mum!” He called out before running off to the garden with his friends.

You sighed as you got up and cleared off the table. There wasn’t much to do because Dean and the boys had done most of it themselves by taking their plates and cups but you still had to put the leftovers into containers and rinse off the dishes and stack them into the dishwasher. You quickly got to work on what you needed to finish.

It was nearly 8:30 by the time you were done. It wouldn’t normally take you this long but you were interrupted a few times by parents of Alex’ friends picking up their kids. Finally, you closed the light to the kitchen before heading upstairs to help Alex.

Alex had already brushed his teeth when you got upstairs so you only had to give him a shower and get his clothes for bed out. Thankfully helping Alex was quick because he was old enough to do most of it himself which meant that you could get out of your work clothes and into a shower that much quicker.

Alex was dressed and tucked into bed when you sat down with his chosen story for the night. As usual, he was out like a light by the time you reached the middle and you slowly put the book on his bedside table before turning off his little lamp. You gave him a small kiss on the head and whispered a quick ‘good night’ and ‘I love you’ to his forehead before you made your way out of his room, shutting the door softly behind you.

You went to Ally’s room to find her fast asleep cuddling against her giraffe that grandma (Dean’s mum) had gotten her on a day out and kissed her goodnight too. Before leaving Ally’s room, you made sure that the baby monitor to Ally’s room was on. Then you sighed, you had been putting off going into your room until you knew for sure that Dean was asleep because you couldn’t stand to be ignored for any longer.

You pushed the oak door to your shared room open and found that Dean was in fact asleep. You thanked whoever was on your side up there in your head. You sluggishly unbutton your blouse and pulled it off before unzipping your skirt and putting them in the hamper next to the adjoining bathroom you shared with Dean.

You turned back to give Dean one last glance before closing the door behind you. You brushed your teeth whilst the shower warmed up and steam stirred around the bathroom. You pulled your bra and panties off and left them on the floor outside the shower before stepping in.

As much as you wanted to soak in the bath, you wanted to get into bed more so you showered quickly before realising that you had left your clothes outside. You cursed yourself in your head wondering how you could’ve been so stupid. You felt that you didn’t look the same since giving birth to Ally and felt self-conscious about going out to the bedroom in nothing but a towel in case Dean had woken up. You knew in the back of your mind that he most likely hadn’t but you couldn’t help it.

You took a deep breath and then slowly opened the door. You peeked out to see if Dean was awake and he seemed to still be asleep so you came out and walked to the closet in front of your bed. You bent over and got your pyjamas out of the second drawer and speedily slipped them on.

You hung your towel back in the bathroom and just tidied up the small mess you had made during your shower. You couldn’t stand it when things were very messy despite the fact that you had two young children who tended to leave a mess in every room they went into like a tornado had blown through the room.

Your bed normally looked so inviting yet you couldn’t help but feel anxious due to the distance that you felt between yourself and your husband. Regardless, you pulled your side of the blanket open and got in the bed. You turned to look at Dean. Sadly this was the closest you had been to him in nearly a month and it pained you to your core but you didn’t know what to do.

You couldn’t help yourself. You gently reached your hand out till just the tips of your fingers touched the top of Dean’s left cheek. You ran your thumb along the length of it and tears rushed to your eyes as you thought about how long it had been since you had felt his skin under yours. The touch seemed to rouse him out of his sleep a little so you hastily took your hand back and turned your back to him before reaching out to switch off your bedside lamp.

You took deep breaths to stop tears from flowing out of your eyes as you hoped that Dean would just go back to sleep. But he couldn’t, he had been awake for a while now and knew how odd your touch had felt on his skin. He didn’t like it. He loved your touch. Why was he acting like such an asshole? He himself didn’t even know. He didn’t know what to do. Should he reach out to you? Would you even want him to touch you? He had seen the pain in your eyes and still ignored it. In fact, he had made them even worse and it cut him to his core to know that he was the cause of it but it seemed like every time he tried to do something about it, something in him would hold him back.

The dam had broken and the tears were now flowing hastily down your cheeks so before Dean could say anything, you pulled the blanket off your body and got out of the bed. You grabbed Ally’s baby monitor and decided you would just sleep in the guest room down the hall. You wanted to run out of there before sobs came thundering out of your mouth and Dean knew just how much he had hurt you. But before you could put your hand on the door handle, Dean was making his consciousness known.

“Where are you going?” Dean sounded like he was in pain.

You froze in your tracks. You didn’t know he was awake. When did he wake up? Did he know you were crying? You didn’t answer. You knew if you did, the sobs that were being held back by your lips would come tumbling out. You simply carried on with opening the door before he spoke again.

“Come back to bed please.” He was pleading with you now. And it angered you. He was acting like his actions had brought him more pain than they had you. He had no right to do that. You wouldn’t let him do that to you. He couldn’t play the victim here.

But it was late. Alex and Ally were sleeping and you didn’t want to fight right now. You couldn’t. You just wanted to cry and sleep in peace.

“Let’s not do this right now. Ally and Alex are sleeping.” You whispered, not wanting to share the news about the lump in your throat which was making its presence known. You continued walking out and closed the door behind you leaving Dean alone in the bed in your room to think about what had just happened.

The door to the guest room squeaked open and shut behind you due to the lack of use, as you finally settled in for the night tears came pouring out and sobs racked through your body. You pulled the blanket over your mouth to muffle your sobs because you didn’t want to wake anybody up.

At around midnight, you finally tired yourself out and fell asleep. But you didn’t sleep for long because at 6 you were up again. The nerves for your meeting tomorrow were finally getting to you because you weren’t sure how the announcement of your promotion would go down with others in the company. You ran to the bathroom as the contents of your dinner came rushing up and into the toilet bowl. You heaved in breaths of oxygen before the next batch of food came rushing up.

Through your vomiting, you didn’t hear the door to the guest room open as Alex heard you throw up the contents of your dinner in your shared bedroom. A slight knock brought your attention to the door. Please don’t be Dean. Please don’t be Dean. You prayed in your head before getting up and rinsing out your mouth with mouthwash in the cabinet above the sink.

“Mum?” It was Alex. You sighed before opening the door.

“Yes, darling?” You replied tiredly.

“Are you okay?” Alex hugged you close. He brought both of your bodies slowly towards the bed so that you could sit on the end and catch your breath.

“Yeah baby, I’m fine but what are you doing up? It’s too early for you!” You asked just now realising exactly how early it was.

“I went to go pee and I heard someone in this room so I came to check.” Your heart warmed up. You felt proud that you had raised a good person. That’s all you ever wanted out of your children. That they were good people. And so far, you had succeeded. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Alex asked again.

“Yes bubba I’m sure, just not feeling too well that’s all!” You reassured, not wanting to show your son that mummy and daddy weren’t doing so great. “Come on! Let’s get you back into bed!”

“Can I stay with you?” He asked timidly. Alex still had his suspicions that you were not being truthful so he wanted to comfort you and protect you and the only way he knew how was to stay with you. He had seen it when you comforted Dean with a loss or when he scraped his elbows and knees while playing around and he had seen you do it to Ally when she was grumpy and fussy.

“Okay… I guess it’s fine just for today!”

“Yay!!!” Alex yelled excitedly before you shushed him and reminded him that his dad and sister were still sleeping. “Sorry…” He replied sheepishly.

“Alright come on!” You dragged Alex and your body both back towards the top of the bed so you could climb in and he snuggled in tight to you.

Alex fell asleep soon enough, or so you thought and you were close behind him. Exhaustion of everything had gotten to you and soon enough you were in a deep sleep. You didn’t realise that Alex had rolled out of your arms and gone into the master bedroom where Dean was lightly snoring. He climbed up onto your side of the bed before lightly tapping Dean.

“Daddy?” His soft voice broke the silence.

Nothing.

“Daddy?” He spoke again a little louder than the last.

Nothing.

He tried tapping a little harder and speaking a little louder. He tried pulling Dean’s heavy hand as well before deciding that nothing would work except for one thing.

Alex jumped right on to Dean’s stomach hoping to startle him enough to wake him up without waking you up in the next room over.

And it worked!

Dean jumped up nearly knocking over Alex in the process.

“Ahh! No wait daddy it’s just me!” Alex yelled out as quickly as possible, wanting to make his presence known before his dad squashed him.

“Buddy? What are you doing? What time is it?” Dean asked, still a little pissed off at the abrupt awakening. He picked Alex up and plopped him back down on your side of the bed.

Alex didn’t do anything except get off the bed, go around to Dean’s side and tug at his hand roughly. Well, as roughly as an 8-year-old could.

“What is it? What’s wrong?!”

“Come daddy. You have to see.” Alex didn’t say anything else and kept tugging on Dean’s hand.

Dean gave up.

He sighed before getting out of bed and motioned for Alex to lead the way. He was still confused as to why his son was even awake this early but then began questioning why his son had pulled him out of bed to go to the guest room. He knew that you were in there but nobody else did. Both Ally and Alex had gone to sleep long before you had moved to the room. Alex opened the door and pushed Dean with all his might into the room.

“Why is mummy sleeping here?” Dean was shocked. He didn’t know what to do say. What would he say to his kid? How do you explain to your child that you had upset their mother so badly that they didn’t even want to sleep in the same room as you?

“Urm… I don’t know buddy. Hey, look mummy’s really tired so why don’t we go downstairs huh?” Dean gently pushed Alex out of the room and took one last look at your tired figure on the bed before closing the door behind him as he walked out.

They both went downstairs and sat down on the sofa cross-legged.

“Daddy, why is mummy sad?”

What?

“What do you mean buddy?” Dean asked as though he wasn’t perfectly aware of how much his actions were killing his wife.

“Mummy always looks sad. Why is mummy sad, daddy?”

“I… uh I don’t know. Did mummy say something?”

“No but she always smiles and she’s always happy a-and then when you come home, she’s really quiet and she doesn’t smile anymore. What’s wrong with mummy?” Alex’s words cut Dean.

Dean didn’t even know how to reply. How would you reply?

“I um, I-I I don’t know…” Dean stammered.

“Well, I think we could cheer her up, right? When I’m sad, mummy makes me pancakes. Should we make her pancakes daddy? I think we should make her pancakes.”

“Yeah, buddy why don’t we make her pancakes?”

Dean knew full well that making his wife pancakes wouldn’t help the hurt he had caused but he couldn’t break his sons heart by telling him that so he got up and carried Alex on his shoulders as they went off to the pantry in the kitchen to get out the flour, eggs, sugar and milk to stir some pancake batter together. Dean took out a pan from one of the cupboards and poured a bit of oil into it while Alex stirred the batter a little more.

He looked adorable. There was flour on his nose and cheeks and his little red tongue was sticking out as he tried very hard to concentrate on mixing the batter without spilling it all over the kitchen. Dean chuckled lightly to himself. He had missed this. It had been so long since he had spent proper alone time with his son and it hurt him that it felt so odd to him now. Alex and Dean used to spend many weekends together just having boy time while you had some time off with your friends or sister or mum.

“Why are you laughing daddy? Am I doing it wrong?” Alex asked as he watched his father’s shoulders shake.

“Nothing buddy, you’re doing great!” Dean replied, reassuring his son.

Just as Dean and Alex were pouring the pancake batter to make the third pancake, your eyes shot open. You whipped around to check the time and realised you were late. Really late. You quickly ran to your room and rushed to your wardrobe before pulling out the outfit you had set aside nearly a month ago when you found out about the promotion.

You had thankfully taken a shower yesterday so all you had to do was wash your face, do your makeup and hair. Dean was at home so he would be able to fix up breakfast for Ally and Alex. Soon enough you were ready and after a quick glance in the mirror, you felt like you looked pretty good if you were honest.

When you and Dean had just started dating, it was hard on you because, while you knew that there would be fangirls who were upset that their favourite superstar was off the market, you didn’t think that they would be so cruel to you about your weight. You weren’t exactly the smallest girl and there were definitely better-looking girls that Dean could’ve gone for. But still he chose you and there were many nights where you contemplated if you really were worthy of Dean but he was always there to pick up the pieces and put you back together no matter how long it took.

You shook the thoughts out of your head and grabbed your heels and walked downstairs after popping into Ally’s room and putting a kiss on her head. There was small noise of the scrapping of a spatula on a pan and the laughter of your son peeking out of the door so you hurried in to see what was going on and breathed a small sigh of relief when you realised that your husband was in there with him.

“Morning!” You were still slightly out of breath having rushed through your whole routine.

Dean turned around, clearly, your presence had made him jump. He probably hadn’t heard you coming down the stairs or open the door to the kitchen. He froze. You looked incredible. Sure he had seen you dressed up for red carpets and even your wedding but he honestly thought you got more beautiful every day and you left him in awe every time.

Your blood-red dress with just the right amount of cleavage showing honestly left him speechless and the way it looked with your grey heels was just incredible. Deans mouth just hung open as he took in your entire outfit until Alexs’ yell broke him out of his trance.

“Hi, mummy!”

Dean suddenly remembered that he was in front of his child and then wandered off into the pantry muttering something about needing sugar when there was clearly a bag of it right in front of him. It made you mad that he was now just straight up avoiding you but you refused to let it put a damper on your day so you internally rolled your eyes before turning back to your son.

“Hi, bubba! What are you doing? You’re up early!” Alex wasn’t exactly a morning person which in itself was an understatement.

“Me and daddy are making pancakes for you!”

“Oh… baby I’m sorry! Mummy’s running late! I don’t have time to eat! I’m so sorry! Tomorrow we’ll do a big breakfast together!” You promised Alex. You couldn’t stand to see his little pout so you pulled him in for a tight hug.

“I’m sorry bubba! Be good at school today for me okay?” You put another kiss on his head before getting an apple to eat on the way to work, your lunch out the fridge and then made your way out the door.

“Bye mummy!!” Alex yelled out behind you as you bent over to grab your purse off the floor in front of the door. Dean was standing behind him but you paid him no attention.

“Bye bubba! Have a good day!” You blew one last kiss to him before walking out of the house and pulling the door shut behind you. You carefully stepped down the stairs and made your way into your car.

Soon enough, you arrived at the company building. As you pulled the handbrake of your car, you felt some nerves creep in but you didn’t let them get to you and got out of your car, taking your handbag with you, locked it and made your way into the building.

The meeting went off without a hitch. Thankfully. You were introduced as the successor and then presented with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers by your coworkers and friends.

You had finally gotten a moment to yourself to sit in your new office and take everything in. But all you wanted more than anything else was for Dean to call you or text you or do something to show that he was at least proud of you for getting the promotion.

You were brought out of your trance by a knock on the door. You turned around and it was one of your friends/closer coworker. You didn’t want to seem ungrateful so you planted a smile on your face and welcomed her in.

“Congratulations! This is incredible! I’m sure you and hubby will be having an amazing night in!” She hinted suggestively. Oh if only she knew the truth about your marriage…

“Yeah, we’ll be having a lovely night in with the kids!” You lied nonchalantly.

Soon enough she was heading out the door, probably getting back to pretend to do some work.

You wanted nothing more than to go home and take a nice long bath then spend the evening with your kids but your colleagues were holding a last-minute gathering at a local bar down the street so you figured that you’d go show your face then leave soon enough.

You nursed your second drink whilst others were on their sixth or eighth. Although you weren’t entirely sure you would blame them, to be honest. The entire party was paid for by the company so why not go all out for one night?

You grabbed your handbag and said your goodbyes once it hit 10:45 because you wanted to get home and you explained that when people asked why you were leaving so early. You did, however, reassure them that they should have more drinks for you and you had no doubt that some of them would.

The drive home was uneventful. The radio kept you company on the short drive and as the sight of your home came into view you felt so grateful that you were home. You took the bouquet and your handbag out of the passenger seat next to you and fished out your keys before making your way up the porch steps.

As you slipped your shoes off in the doorway, not wanting to wake anyone up with your heels clacking on the hardwood floor, you didn’t know that Dean had been worried about you. Normally you would be home early enough to pick up the kids from school but when Dean was home you’d stay late and be home by around 6:30 pm. Dean had called you several times before he decided to drop your kids off at their grandmas’ and go out and look for you himself. He went to your company building, assuming that you were working overtime, although you would normally call him to let him know. Then again, he had given you no reason to want to call him and let him know. After he didn’t find you in the building, he decided to go home and see if you would show up there.

As you walked past the living room, the light from the lamp came flooding into the hallway and you peered in to see why the light was on. Dean was there. He was waiting for you in the living room with the small lamp on. His sister had gotten you both the lamp as a housewarming present because you really loved it when you went to visit her house.

“Why are you still up? Is everything okay?” You croaked out, the emotions of the day, of Dean, ignoring you and the alcohol you’d drank a little while ago were all getting to you.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before he stood up and towered over you. You held your breath as you realised that tonight was the night everything would come to a blow.

“I should be asking you that! Where on earth have you been?! I was worried sick! Why are you just now getting home at” he turned around to look at the clock on the mantle above the fireplace, “eleven-thirty?!” Dean was pissed.

“Can you keep it down? The kids are sleeping.”

He glanced down and saw the bouquet of flowers that your colleagues had gifted you and saw red.

To him, it all finally made sense. The way you were all dressed up and looking incredible and the flowers. He came to the conclusion that you were cheating on him. 

It had to be that, right?

“Well actually they’re at your mums but I guess you wouldn’t know that because you were clearly too busy on your fucking date!!” He roared at you.

Wait a minute. Didn’t he know? Surely he knew… You had certainly told him. He couldn’t have forgotten right?

“What are you talking about?! Are you insane?” You were livid. “How can you possibly think I would do that to you? To the kids? Although I guess it would take one to know one right?!”

“Excuse me?! What exactly are you implying here?”

“I’m not implying shit! You know damn well what I’m saying! And so what if I was on a date? I fucking enjoyed it I can tell you that much! Would probably give you more time for the line of whores you seem to be fucking!” You spat back at him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about here!”

“Oh really? Then explain it to me! Because as far as I know, I am sitting here taking care of our kids and house, while you’re out there gallivanting around the world looking after and caring about everyone except the people who really truly love you! As far as I know, you seem to be having a grand old time doing everything for everyone except your actual family! You know, fucking all your whores and sluts on the road! ” You were irate. All of the feelings that had been building up for nearly a month were now just gushing out of you. You couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Deans face softened. The hardness slowly falling away. He didn’t have any choice now. He had to face the consequences of his actions.

“You know at first, I’d call Seth and Roman to see if everything was okay with you! Do you know how humiliating that is? To know that your husband, the man that you love, won’t pick up your phone so you have to call his friends to see if he’s okay? What if I did it to you? How would that make you feel? If I just stopped showing up to date nights, not even bothering to give a shitty excuse, if I stopped kissing you?!” Dean dropped his head before letting out a quiet whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Is that it? Are you not going to explain why you haven’t kissed me or even looked at me for so long?” Tears of frustration were now making their way down your cheeks.

“What did I do? I tried so hard to make it all better but I don’t know what to do anymore. Is it because I haven’t lost all of the baby weight after Ally? Because I can change that! I don’t know what I did but please let me make it better. Please.” You pleaded with him.

You weren’t even angry anymore, you were just tired of it all. You wanted it to stop. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Do you want to divorce me? Because if it makes you happy then I’ll give it to you!”

Dean was in shock. He didn’t know what to do. Of course, he didn’t want to divorce you. He loved you. He couldn’t fathom the amount of hurt he had put you through to make you think that he didn’t love you anymore because you had put on weight after giving birth to his children or that you should get a divorce.

You sighed as he stared at you blankly. You figured that was your answer

“Guess that’s the celebration I get for my promotion…” You muttered to yourself as you slammed the flowers into his chest as you walked past him towards the stairs. “We can sort out the paperwork tomorrow.”

“Where are you going?! I’m talking to you!” You didn’t even bother to give him a glance back. You simply walked up towards your bedroom. Your exhausted body slumped on the door as it shut behind you. You heard Dean’s stomping footfalls up the stairs and stretched an arm up to flick the lock on the door.

“Open the door!” He banged on the door. You didn’t do anything. You felt the vibrations of his fists through the door and whilst it normally would’ve at the very least startled you, you were too tired to do anything.

After five minutes, Dean’s heavy fists banging on the door had turned into lighter knocks as small pleads worked their way out of his mouth and through the wooden door. You finally had enough and decided that you would just leave him out there. He could sleep on the sofa for all you cared. You drug your body over to the adjoining bathroom and turned on the shower. You looked at yourself in the large mirror and the sight of yourself made you tear up.

What had you become? You didn’t even know who you were anymore. You were constantly tired and you had massive bags under your eyes which looked like they were carrying the weight of the world inside them. Who had you become? Your eyes squeezed themselves shut, almost as if they couldn’t stand to see who you had become either.

You sniffled before climbing into the shower. You were drained and all you wanted to do was shower and then sleep. You took a quick shower and then changed into your pyjamas. You pulled the duvet out of the bed frame where it had been tucked, presumably by Dean this morning and got inside. Dean had stopped knocking at this point and you were thankful because you really needed a good night’s sleep. You passed out very quickly as the events of the past few weeks had finally gotten to you and soon enough, small snores made their way out of your nose.

When your alarm started to blare next to your head, you groaned and sat up before flopping back down. You didn’t want to get up anymore. You just wanted to sleep for a month and not talk to anyone or do anything. You wished you could do that but you knew that you couldn’t so you lugged your tired body over to the bathroom to do your morning routine.

When you were finally dressed, you took your phone and unlocked the door. Memories of last night and your confrontation with Dean came rushing back to you and you prayed he wouldn’t be outside before you opened the door quietly. You peeked out a bit to find him snoring on the floor. He was squashed into a small ball, well as small as a 6 foot grown man could. He looked uncomfortable as his back contorted under the soft rug that led down the hallway and his face was stuck in a grimace.

You stepped around him on the floor and rushed down to make some breakfast before you left for work. You hadn’t really eaten properly so you were starving and your stomach reminded you as such by growling at you. You had beaten the eggs already and the pan that you had taken out of the cupboard under the stove had just slipped out of your hands. You froze, not wanting to wake Dean up. You waited for a moment to see if any of the floorboards upstairs creaked under his weight before continuing with making breakfast.

You had just eaten and went to put your plate in the sink but it clattered loudly and you were certain that if he wasn’t already awake then he would be now. The floorboards of the stairs that creak outside the kitchen confirmed this for you and you hoped that Dean would just leave you alone. The exhaustion was still present in your body and you had no energy to fight with him anymore.

He came into the kitchen having heard your pots and pans banging around while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He straightened his back and groaned at the sound of his back popping.

You gave him a small glance through the kitchen window in front of the sink before quickly returning to your motion of washing your dish. You saw him open his mouth like a fish a few times as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. However, your hope that he wouldn’t find the words quickly vanished when his mouth opened, “Can we talk?”

You didn’t even know what to say. How were you supposed to reply? Should you talk it all out? Or should you ignore him? You decided that you wouldn’t ignore him but you wouldn’t listen to him either.

“I’m going to be late for work. We can talk another time.” You rushed out without giving him a chance to even reply.

The purse sitting on the counter with your keys and phone was taken swiftly off and swung over your shoulder. You slipped on your shoes in front of the door and unlocked your car as you pulled the door shut after you.

As you drove away, Dean’s mind kept running with ideas of how to make up for his behaviour over the past month. The gears in his head worked away as he started to put his plan into motion. He went out to the store, buying candles and ingredients for the dinner he would make. Dean then went in search for a bouquet of flowers he deemed good enough for you which was difficult because nothing seemed to be good enough to express how sorry he was but he eventually found one.

He drove home and began to clean the house leaving the kitchen till after he finished preparing the dinner leaving it in the oven to be baked just before you arrived home. He placed the expensive table cloth over your dining table and set the table putting the bouquet your coworkers had gotten in a vase in the centre.

Dean took a shower and took a look around at what he had done but he couldn’t help the feeling that it wasn’t enough. He called up his sister to get her opinion and after she was done chewing his ear out for being such an idiot, she came up with the idea of getting his ring finger tattooed. Dean didn’t like wearing his wedding ring because he felt it would be difficult to keep track of and he would probably just lose it which would certainly upset you. Therefore, he simply kept his wedding band in a little box in his bedside table.

He quickly found a good local tattoo artist who could fit him in today and so he set off again to the tattoo parlour. It was a simple heartbeat which didn’t take long to complete and soon enough he was driving back home with his ring finger wrapped up. He smiled lightly to himself as he hoped that you would like his tattoo.

When he got home, he turned the oven on and then rushed out of the kitchen upstairs to change into some nicer clothes. He hadn’t made enough of an effort lately and he’d be damned if he didn’t show you how much he cares now. Once he was in his suit, and the candles had been lit around the house and scattered on the dining table, he took the bouquet he bought earlier in the day and waited at the front door ready to sweep you off your feet as soon as you walked in.

As the time came closer to your arrival, Dean grew nervous and anxious. His forehead was sweating now more than after one of his gruelling matches. His palms were getting sticky and clammy holding the bouquet. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t just put it down on the chest of drawers next to the table but

Soon enough your headlights lit up the driveway and front of the house, signalling your arrival. Dean gave himself a once over before looking around the room to check that everything was still perfect. It was, considering he had only been pacing in a small circle near the front door.

Your key turning in the lock brought him out of his daydream and he took a deep breath before you walked in looking as beautiful as ever yet still as though something was missing and it was then he realised the full extent of the damage his actions had caused.

“Hi…” It was pathetic but he really didn’t know what else to say which was shameful to say the least considering you were his wife of 10 years.

Your brows furrowed wondering what was going on as you looked up and finally took in the scene before you.

“Why are you all dressed up? What are you doing?” You questioned probably a bit more harshly than you had intended.

“I’ve made dinner and I want us to sit down and eat together and talk about everything. I also want to show you something.” He explained the scene in front of you and you stood for a minute or two deciding on whether or not to sit down or just ignore him again.

You definitely had half a mind to just ignore him as he did you but you decided that you had to be a grown-up and have this discussion sooner or later and given that he seemed to be in the mood for it, now seemed like as good a time as any.

“Okay… I guess we’re doing this now…” You muttered quietly to yourself.

You put your purse and keys down before seating yourself at the table opposite Dean and waited for him to start the conversation.

He wanted to talk so you would let him.

But he didn’t. He just stared at you for a long while. It seemed like he was just staring right into your soul and your deepest inner thoughts were no longer personal. They were known by Dean as well.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to say, he knew what he wanted to say, and there was plenty of it too, but he just didn’t know where to start. It seemed like his mind was running at a thousand miles per hour and his mouth couldn’t latch onto a single thought.

“Dean…?” You called out, breaking his gaze on you.

He shook his head as if to clear it of anything unnecessary before opening his mouth.

“Right yeah sorry! So I just… I wanted to… I was…” He stumbled and stuttered through without being coherent in his words.

“Sorry. So we’ve been married for 10 years, we have two beautiful kids and I just have not been the best husband or father to any of you. But you know me. And you have done for nearly twenty years and you know my insecurities. But I suppose that it’s not really any excuse to push you away and treat you as horribly as I have been for over a month just because of a stupid little thing. And I know that it’s a horrible habit and I have loads of them too but pushing people is probably the worst one and I know. I know it’s not good, believe me, I know. And I shouldn’t do it. Because I just hurt people. But I don’t know how to stop it. And I just. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the way I’ve been treating you and the kids and it just isn’t acceptable. At all. So I really wanted you to know that and that there is going to be a change in my attitude, for the better and I can’t promise that everything will be perfect but I will make an effort to make it better.” Dean rambled then inhaled deeply as he realised he hadn’t taken one in a little while through his rant.

“Can I explain my side of it?” You questioned because as much as that explanation did ring true to you a little bit, knowing about his insecurities and habits having been married for 10 years and dating for probably 15, you still didn’t think it was fair.

A marriage is where you’re able to depend on the other person whenever you may need them. Where you’re able to be honest and not feel judged when doing so and for Dean to then say that he pushed you away because he didn’t want to hurt you made you feel like a bad wife.

Did you not do enough? To make him think that he couldn’t come to you? Were you not a good wife? A good mother? That your own husband felt he couldn’t come to you in his time of need?

And for a sliver of a moment, you felt bad. But that didn’t last for very long as you realised that he seemed to be doing just fine going off around the world without any worry as to how you were feeling. And then you didn’t particularly care.

“You know what Dean? I. Call. Bull. Shit.” You poked at his chest to emphasise your point, “You. You’re good without me. You don’t call, we haven’t kissed or touched properly or even looked at each other in over a month. How on earth did you think that would make me feel?”

You took a breath to relax before starting again, “In case it wasn’t clear, it made me feel like shit. I mean girls are probably throwing themselves at you without even knowing you’re married considering you don’t wear your ring. The one we shared when we got married. The person I made a vow to, the person I promised to love despite it all and who promised to love me back, seems to not even give a shit anymore and I don’t know if I have it in me to be in a one-sided marriage anymore.” 

“I tried so hard to give you space when it seemed like you wanted it and I tried so hard to be a good wife and mother but I don’t think I can stay with someone who just doesn’t seem to want to put in the effort with me anymore. I can’t. I thought I could do it for our kids but I just, I can’t.” Your voice was cracking and you were damn near tears but you’d rather die than not get this off your chest because it was about time that you spoke your mind.

“You’re right. And if you want to leave then I won’t be the one to stop you because I know that you deserve way more than what I can ever possibly give you but I just want you to know how much I truly do love you and appreciate you for caring about me and our children. I will be forever grateful to you for never wanting me to give up anything for you and for teaching me to be strong but if what you want is to get a divorce then I, as much as I don’t want it, am willing to give it to you. I don’t care what I have to do to make you happy again, even if that means being miserable without you.” Dean spoke.

Although he wouldn’t look you in the eye and constantly seemed to be glancing down at his hand, which drew your attention to his left hand where there tended to be no marks apart from the occasional busted knuckle from a match but now his left ring finger was covered up.

You may have been fighting and you may have been unhappy with him for the moment but you still cared about him. He was still your husband and you still love him therefore, to see that something could potentially be wrong with him, even if it seemed minuscule to other people, was hurtful.

“What happened to your hand?” You questioned.

“Huh? Oh… um yeah, I meant to show you that actually.”

“What is it?” You asked.

He didn’t reply, choosing to simply begin unwrapping his finger and as it came into view your mouth opened in shock.

He got a tattoo.

Why would he get a tattoo? Much less on his finger. It didn’t really make sense to you.

Walking around the table to seat himself closer to you, he put his left hand on the table with the tattoo on show for you to see.

“You said that you didn’t like me not wearing my wedding ring and I want to kind of explain that to you because I really really don’t want you to be thinking that I don’t appreciate you or think that I’m going around cheating on you because I’m not. I guarantee it. You can call anyone up and ask them about it and they’ll tell you the same. I swear. But I needed something to prove to you that I really am sorry and that I am fully committed to you. So I got a tattoo on my ring finger. Because even though I don’t wear my ring, which I promise you is only because I am terrified of losing it, I want you to know that the reason I don’t wear a ring isn’t that I don’t want people to know I’m married. I want everyone to know! Hell, I’d tattoo ‘I’m married’ on my damn forehead if it meant that you wouldn’t worry about me cheating on you!” You both laughed a little at that because, although it hadn’t felt like it for a while, you both knew that Dean probably would get that tattooed on his forehead if you asked him to.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me for everything that I’ve done to you, not with all the pain I’ve caused. But I do want you to know that I want things to change and I want to show you that I can change too. This tattoo, it will forever be a part of me and my life in the same way that I want you to be a part of my life forever.” He concluded. 

“I don’t know what to say. Dean… you know I don’t need some massive gesture like this, which could get you in trouble by the way! I just want you to love me and show it. I don’t need anything else. All I want is for you to love me and show it once in a while. And as much as I appreciate it, I don’t need you to do a massive gesture, certainly not to make me feel better about my insecurities. You don’t need to deal with those. They are on me and for me to work out on my own.”

“That might be the case but there is no reason for me as your husband to be the one who feeds the insecurity. It is my job to make you feel better. I took that on the second I married you. I have been the one making you feel insecure and that isn’t my job. I shouldn’t be doing that. It hurts me so much to know that I’ve been doing that and I want to change it. I won’t let myself keep doing this to you. I can’t.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” you paused for a moment to think before speaking, “I want one.”

“What?”

You grabbed his hand to further inspect the scab that was forming on his ring finger and spoke again with more confidence, “I want one.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Dean’s heart swelled at the idea that you would want one too. He wasn’t sure how you would react to it and he was glad that you seemed to like it.

“Yeah, I think it would be good to get one too! Then we can be matching right?”

You imagined that Dean didn’t know how to express what he wanted to verbally, however, you could feel everything through the hug he pulled you into. You clenched and bunched up his suit shirt under your hands as you held on as tightly as you could. You had missed this. You had missed him. You felt as if he would slip away again if you let go of him and even though your fingernails were digging into his chest, he didn’t care. He would stand there holding you all day.

He pulled away a little bit so that he could pick you up and take you to your shared bedroom. You thought he was letting go and pulled him back in before he laughed a breathy laugh, “Just gonna take you to bed baby.”

Your cheeks warmed slightly as a blush flushed over them. You were certain that Dean could feel the heat through his shirt. He bent over ever so slightly to put his arms underneath your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his midsection before putting your head on his shoulder. You burrowed your face into his neck and slung your arms around his shoulders. There wasn’t even space for a piece of paper to slip in between you both.

Dean used one arm to support you and the other to open the door to your shared bedroom. He kicked the door shut with his foot and put you down on your side of the bed. Kneeling in front of you, he began helping you undress and get into your pyjamas, before changing into his which consisted of just his boxers.

Getting into bed beside you, he pulled the covers over both of you. Slinging an arm around your waist, he brought you closer. Tilting your head, you looked up at him. As you stared directly into his eyes and took him in properly for the first time in months, a smile washed over your face.

“What? Why’re you looking at me like that?” He smiled nervously.

“Nothing, just… feels nice you know? Feels good to be with you, in your arms. Feels like home, like this is where I’m supposed to be.”

The nervous smile he held before grew into a full grin.

“C’mere you,” he softly drew you towards him, planting a soft kiss on your forehead then your lips while bringing the hand around your waist to swipe lightly at your cheek, “you. You are my home. Always. Wherever you and those kids are, is home to me. I don’t care where it is.”

Cupping his face, you pulled him in for another kiss, “you and the kids are my home too. We could be on the street but I know that we would be okay as long as we had each other.”

The next kiss came after a moment of staring at each other, a look of awe on yours and his face. It was more abrupt, feverish.

Within seconds, you were both kissing passionately, as his tongue made its way slowly into your mouth. You shuffled to straddle his lap, his hand came down to rest on your waist whilst the other remained on your cheek.

“You are incredible,” grinding your hips into his, a groan fell from his mouth.

“Oh god, so are you, baby! Don’t stop!” He brought both hands to settle on your waist, bringing your hips down harshly. His lack of trousers and your thin pyjama pants made even the slightest of friction feel like more.

Resting a hand on his bicep and the other on his shoulder, you began to set a pace. As the pace intensified, groans and moans filled the room, growing louder and louder until you were certain that they could hear you both at the other end of the street. Deans hands started rubbing up and down your back, urging you on as his hips came up to meet yours. The feel of his calloused hands brought you closer and closer to coming undone.

A little more rubbing and grinding lead to the coil that was wound up so tightly to spiral out, your orgasm flooding through your body. Burying your face into his neck, your teeth left marks on the base where you had sunk them in to quieten your screaming.

He continued rubbing, slower than before, allowing you to come down from your high before doing anything else. Once you had settled, you pulled your face out of his neck to look directly into his eyes. You could see the love and lust clearly overflowing within him. It was a welcome sight.

Although you didn’t get much respite as he pulled your legs to wrap around his waist and put a hand behind your head while the other rested on the small of your back. Using his hands to bring your closer, he flipped you both over so your head lay on the plush pillows as your hair fanned out around you.

Pressing kisses down your neck, he dropped his hands to the hem of your nightshirt, glancing up as if asking for permission. With a swift nod from you, he didn’t notice your insecurity creep back into your head. Or so you thought. He seemed to have caught the nervous look in your eyes and came back up so that you were face-to-face.

“You can leave it on if you’d like. I don’t mind baby. I think you are beautiful and incredible but if you’re more comfortable with your shirt on then we’ll leave it on.” He reassured.

“No I’m okay, I just - I don’t want you to think I look nasty or something cause you know I’ve got a lot more stretch marks and stuff after Ally and yeah…” You confessed.

Dean felt so terrible as he thought that this is what his actions over the past month had most likely led to you seeing yourself in a horrible light which was never his intention but he would do everything he could to make up for it, “I would never think that. At all. Your body gave me the most amazing children and I would never think that that body could be anything but incredible and strong and fucking beautiful.”

He moved his hands back to the hem of your shirt, lifting slightly while keeping his gaze on yours to gage your reaction. When you didn’t stop him, he continued his motion, pulling it up and off you before throwing it off to the side. His face moves, allowing his lips to give attention to the newly exposed skin. Every kiss and graze of his teeth were felt directly in your core with soft moans making him smile smugly.

Beginning to work his way down, Deans hands begin to paw at your pants. Pulling them off, he follows up with taking off your underwear and his boxers as they joined the rest of the clothes scattered around the room.

Grabbing at your waist, he shuffles down and spreads open your legs, giving little kitten licks on your thighs and ankles, around your hips, your love handles, everywhere except where you wanted him the most. A slight whine from above signalled your desperation and finally, he put his mouth where you needed him.

Tentative kitten licks turned into large swipes of Deans tongue through your folds, releasing the ache you still felt. Taking one of his hands around, he rubs his thumb against your clit providing more stimulation and bringing you closer to the edge once again. You became more vocal as your release neared and you began to scratch at his back before digging them in as you were flung over the metaphorical cliff.

“You’re so wet baby,” Dean continued licking, dragging your high out as long as possible before you pushed weakly at his head as you became too sensitive.

Cupping his face in your hands, you brought him back up to be face to face with you as you spoke, “only for you my love.”

Licking at his bottom lip, a smug look crossed his face, “Is that right? Only me?”

“Only you.” The reassuring words seemed to help bring you both back into the mind frame of how you had been before the shitstorm over the past couple of months, sickly sweet and annoyingly in love.

“Oh, you got me feeling all special over here baby girl!” The dimples in his cheeks became prominent as he spoke.

Bringing him in for a kiss which you could taste yourself on, “mmm you are special to me.”

The kiss became feverish, as though it was the first time you’d ever had each other and with the length of time it really had been, it did feel as though you were a brand new couple being intimate for the first time. Every touch and move started off tender and loving but once you had a taste of each other, you couldn’t get enough. You wanted to drown yourselves in each other.

Soon enough, Dean shuffles down and lines himself up to your core, pushing in gently. He gives you a moment to adjust and then begins to pick the pace up, thrusts becoming harder and urgent. You nails dig into his back, pulling him closer to you and rocking your hips up to meet every thrust. Tipping your head back, a loud whine of pleasure poured out which only seemed to urge Dean on.

“Shit, please baby,” you groaned, clenching around him.

“You want it harder? Gonna take everything I’ve got?”

“Mhm, please,” you had resorted to pleading by now without a care in the world.

Your wish was his command and his thrusts and pace began to pick up speed to the point where you were certain it had never felt like this before. A hand slipped down to rub at your clit, bringing you closer to your release once again. Dipping his head down, Dean sucked on a nipple. The pleasure of tight circles on the bundle of nerves below and the sucking motion on your nipple combined threw you over the edge before you could even realise.

The clenching motion caused by your orgasm pushed Dean over the edge too, shooting his release inside you as you milked him for all he was worth.

“Good god, that was fucking incredible,” He panted out into your ear.

Shuffling over, you made space for Dean to lay down next to you. Allowing him to settle before laying your head on his chest. You could feel his heart drumming beneath your ear as you ran a hand down his torso, dragging your nails gently over the sweaty skin.

“We gotta get some sleep baby. I’m taking some time off and I’m gonna take you and the babies somewhere and we’re going to spend some time as a family.”

You tilted your head up to look at him, “thank you, my love, but you don’t have to do that. I know it can be hard t-”

“It doesn’t matter. None of that does. You let me worry about all of that now get your adorable ass to sleep and we can hash out the details in the morning.”

You knew that things would still take some work as they would with anything but the most important thing was that you were both willing to work on it. That was the only thing that mattered. Within three days, Dean had planned and organised the entire holiday that you would be taking. He left it a surprise where you would be going but he assured you that it was kid-friendly and you would all have a great time. Putting your trust in him, you all packed up your bags and headed to the airport boarding a flight to Rome, Italy.

You were so excited. The location of your honeymoon was always one you loved and had been wanting to revisit but never got the chance to. As you pulled up to the hotel you and Dean had stayed in last time you were here, you grinned with happiness as your smile reached your eyes. You were ecstatic! There were many great memories at the hotel and the city as a whole of you and Dean and you couldn’t wait to make many more as a family.

Checking in and lounging around for the remainder of the day in and around the pool area, you had never felt happier. As it got cooler and dark, you all moved upstairs to get ready for dinner which was as incredible as it was the first time. You, however, had no idea the surprise that awaited you the next day.

Knocks on your hotel room door woke you up bright and early, or so you thought until you realised that Dean wasn’t sleeping next to you. If Dean was up and about then you must’ve slept in really late. More knocks brought you out of your trance as you got up to open it without checking who it might be.

As you opened the door, you saw your mum, sister mother-in-law and sister-in-law holding an abundance of items, squealing with joy, you pulled them all in for hugs and invited them in.

It had been so long since you had seen them all, you spent nearly an hour or so catching up and just having a laugh until you asked a question.

“Not that I’m not overjoyed to see you all, but why are you here? How did you even know we were here?”

“So… Dean asked us to come because he has a surprise for you and he needed us to get you ready and to the place!” Spoke your mother-in-law.

“What surprise? He didn’t tell me about any surprise!”

“Well duh! It’s a surprise! Kinda ruins the whole point if he told you about it!” Your sister sassed.

“Oh alright sassy pants, it’s too early for this shit!” You sassed back with an eye roll.

“Alright first go and brush your teeth, take a shower, wash your hair, shave your bits or whatever. Go do the whole thing!”

Scrunching up your face, you walked off to do as they had said. Except for the shaving part because you had obviously gotten that all done before you came on holiday. As you walked out, everything was set up on the bed for you. Everybody was armed with something to do. Your sister did your makeup while your sister-in-law focused on your hair. Your mum and mother-in-law then helped you pick out the most appropriate outfit which was hard considering you had no idea what the occasion even was.

Eventually, an outfit and shoes were chosen and you were sent off to go and put on the red dress. It was a beautiful dress with a detailed lace back and a dip hem skirt. It was paired with strappy gold shoes with small jewel detailing on the back. Once you came out, you were handed a golden clutch with your phone, the key card to your hotel room and some powder and lipstick in case you needed to do a touch-up.

Sent out the door, you headed down to the lobby to meet a doorman who guided you to the car waiting for you outside. You were tempted to ask the driver where you were being taken but knew that you would not find out nor did you want to ruin the surprise that Dean had taken such care in planning. Taking a moment to sort out your thoughts, you were informed that you had nearly arrived at your destination although the tinted windows didn’t allow you to see much about your whereabouts.

Within minutes, the car pulled to a stop and the door was being opened for you. Climbing out, you took in your surroundings seeing a lovely garden estate with a trail of petals. What you didn’t see was your husband. It seemed he was nowhere to be found and the driver had left no word as to what you were supposed to do.

Deciding to follow the petals, you turned around the corner of the building and absorbed the sight of a beautiful floral gazebo which towered over the table for two. Your husband took your hand which made you jump considering you hadn’t seen him standing off slightly to the side. Gentle music played in the background as he led you up to the gazebo.

The table was also decorated with flowers in a vase surrounded by candles. You were definitely feeling emotional that Dean had done all of this for you but you had no idea just what he had planned. He moved to pull a chair out for you and took a seat himself once you were settled.

“What is all this?” You asked

“Well I thought it would be nice for us to have some time alone without the kids. It’s been awhile since we’ve gone out alone, a long while actually and it’s about time we fixed that!”

“Well it looks beautiful, I’ll give you that!”

You continued chatting for a while before you ordered some food. Talking about anything and everything between bites of food, the time passed quickly and the sun was beginning to set.

You figured it was time to start going back to the hotel but Dean seemed to have other ideas. He took your hand and pulled you up. He began to take you on a walk towards what seemed to be a pier that led to the lake that surrounded the estate.

The boardwalk was covered in glittering fairy lights. They left a warm glow as the sun set behind it. The scene that it created was stunning.

“It looks so beautiful. How did you plan all this?”

You were looking at the scenery and didn’t realise that Dean was looking at you as he replied, “yeah, it is.”

The way he looked at you, it was as if he was seeing all your features for the first time again. As if it was his first time meeting you again. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. You looked as radiant as you did the first day you met him.

You continued walking, gazing at the lights in awe. You were a sucker for a romantic scenery. You loved things like this. With a hand grasping yours and the other in his pocket, the box gripped tightly to ensured nothing happened to it, Dean’s nerves grew. He didn’t remember being this nervous the first time he did this. Or was he? He didn’t even know why he was nervous, there was definitely the fear that with all that happened, you would just remember his flaws and mistakes. There was also the fear that you would laugh in his face and say no. Although, the rational part of his head knew that you would never behave that way towards him. You would never be so cruel as to laugh in his face. But despite it, the fear was still there.

Reaching towards the end of the pier, Dean stopped you both and drew you back into his chest.

“Why’d we stop?”

“We need to talk?” Dean knew there were better ways to word that but it was the first thing that came to mind.

“Okay… about what?”

“I just need to tell you something.” Dean was sure of the words he was speaking now, though the nerves had not dissipated and he was certain that they wouldn’t until he heard your answer. His grip on the box in his pocket became tighter and he decided that there was no time like the present so he pulled it out and dropped.

“Will you marry me? Again.” He chuckled a little at that, though your state of shock was terrifying so it sounded like nervous laughter.

“I love you so much and I have not been showing that as of late. There is no doubt about that. I know that I haven’t been the best husband or father for a while not but I want us to renew our vows, mostly me but you get the idea. I would love it if you did me the honour of marrying me. Again.”

“I… think that is a wonderful idea. So yes. I would love to marry you. Again.” You laughed along with him this time and as he stood on both feet once again, you hugged tightly.

Holding tightly to savour the moment, you felt Dean’s back firmed up from the tension it had been holding and rubbed your hands up and down to ease his muscles. As he relaxed, you shared soft kisses and began the journey back to your hotel room.

The rest of your holiday was spent resting, celebrating and being with your kids. It had been some time since you had spent time as a family all together so it was nice to enjoy the memories you made. Some kid-friendly and others not so much…

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

You didn’t know how you were going to do this. Thoughts ran through your mind at a million miles per hour and they would have continued if you weren’t preoccupied with the contents of your stomach now in the toilet. You heaved in breaths, the sound echoing through the bathroom. You wished Dean was here. He would take care of you and make you feel better.

You didn’t show any symptoms for the first two months and being busy with the kids and work, you hadn’t noticed your period hadn’t come but as work slowed down, you realised this was the third months you hadn’t had a period so you booked a doctors appointment. You had your suspicions of what the reason could be but you weren’t sure until this morning when you had rushed to the toilet to throw up last nights dinner.

You flushed the contents away, washing your hands and began digging through your drawers and cupboards to find an old pregnancy test that you had leftover from when you were trying for Ally. Taking the test, you washed your hands again.

While you waited for the test to complete, you began your morning routine. You showered and brushed your teeth knowing that it would be finished by the time you had showered. Before dressing, you took a deep breath and decided to just look at the test. Normally you would have had Dean do it but he wasn’t here now nor did he know you were taking the test.

Positive.

What would you do? You wanted to sit for a while and dwell on the news that you just received but there was no time for it. You had to finish getting ready for your appointment.

You sat nervously in the waiting room for the nurse to call you in. Within minutes that felt like hours, you were called in and an ultrasound scan was done to see whether you were in fact pregnant or not.

You don’t know why you felt nervous. Perhaps it was due to the fact that you hadn’t been trying for a child and you weren’t sure if Dean wanted another child. Although you weren’t even sure if you wanted another child. It could also be the fact that you didn’t have Dean with you whereas, in your previous pregnancies, Dean was there with you every step of the way. Maybe it was because you didn’t know what it would mean for your career, though you felt selfish at the thought you just had and wanted nothing but to remove it from your brain, you couldn’t help but think about what would happen.

You laid down on the bed and lowered your jeans to your hips and pulled your shirt up to your chest. You waited in this position for a moment while the doctor came in, greeting you and asking you some questions. She was the same doctor that you had when delivering Ally and Alex so you were very familiar with her.

“How is Dean? And the kids?”

“He’s good, all good! He’s on the road at the moment though and I’m very nervous about this. I’m not certain if I am pregnant but the test I took said I was and I have been struggling to keep food down so I booked an appointment.”

“That’s alright! We’ll get started and see if we can work out what happened!” She said cheerily.

The doctor squeezed some gel out onto your stomach and began using the wand to scan your stomach. She probed around for a moment before confirming that you were in fact pregnant. In fact you were three months pregnant.

Three months.

How had you not noticed?

Had you really been that busy? Thoughts ran through your mind at a million miles an hour and you went through the rest of the day seemingly without any conscious realisation to what you were doing.

When you got home, you sat down on the sofa and took a moment to breathe and soak in the fact that there was a baby inside you. You might’ve already had two kids but that didn’t mean that you weren’t still in awe of the things that the human body could do.

A glance at the clock told you that you had an hour and a half to eat and clean up till you had to go and pick up the kids from school and daycare. Deciding on a hearty salad, you got to work preparing your food before sitting down with it on the sofa and turning on the TV. Aimlessly you flicked through the channels before settling on some reality show that you barely paid attention to.

Your bowl clattered into the sink as you rushed around to gather your things and leave the house to pick up the kids. You had lost track of time in your thoughts and left the bowl to get your phone and purse and car keys. Starting the car, you collected both Alex and Ally from school and daycare and gave them some fruit as a snack before dinner.

Dean would be home tomorrow and you knew you had to tell him about this. This wasn’t something you could just keep to yourself so you decided to think of a way to tell him about the potential arrival. Your kids were playing around with some building blocks, more like Alex building something and Ally being a little menace and knocking it over, while you started on dinner.

Within an hour, dinner was nearing completion and Alex was called to set the table while you set Ally in her high chair. Food was placed out and you all ate. You asked Alex about his day, fed Ally and ate before cleaning up. Whilst you cleaned, you thought some more about ways to tell Dean and finally settled on one.

Deciding to work on it tomorrow, you got to work on the kids’ bedtime routine. Once they were both sleeping comfortably in their rooms, you started yours and got into bed. Grabbing your phone, you sent a quick text to Dean saying goodnight and a quick ‘I love you and miss you’. Putting your phone away, you settled in your bed, and went to sleep.

A quick rush of a morning routine with the kids as Alex was dropped to school and Ally was dressed to run some errands with you, you began your day. Dean would be home at 6 pm but you would surprise him after dinner so it wouldn’t matter much anyway.

Your promotion allowed you to work from home occasionally so you went through the day with Ally and eventually Alex once you picked him up. They played around for a bit before Dean came home. Once he was home, the noise through the house increased significantly as both children were happy to see their dad. You were equally, if not more happy to see your husband, though the nerves were setting in.

The same routine of having dinner then cleaning up and doing the kids’ bedtime routine was completed much faster with Dean on hand to take either Ally or Alex. You took Alex tonight knowing he would be easier and it would give you some time to prepare the announcement for Dean. You took the pregnancy test hidden in a drawer and one of Ally’s old bottles, placing the test in the bottle and putting it in the fridge knowing Dean would come down for a beer or a bottle for Ally. Either way, he would see it.

You went upstairs and gave Dean a kiss while taking Ally as he went downstairs to get Ally’s bottle. He came back up looking dazed and confused. Wordlessly, Dean took Ally from you and began feeding her. You were confused because with the amount of time he took you assumed he had seen it but the way he didn’t say anything made you assumed he hadn’t. You were about to leave when Ally began to settle down and Dean put her in her crib. He led you downstairs and into the kitchen. Right there on the counter was the bottle with the lid open and the pregnancy test sitting next to it face up.

“Is this real? Are you serious right now? This isn’t some weird prank right?”

“It’s real Dean, no pranks I promise.”

“Really??” A grin broke out onto his face as he scooped you off your feet into a bear hug. A squeal from the sudden action broke into laughter as you told Dean to put you down.

The happiness lingered in the atmosphere around you as Dean allowed you to stand back on your feet but the smile on your face became smaller.

“What’s wrong?” Dean questioned.

“Nothing! I’m happy!”

“You just… it seems like something is wrong. Is everything okay?”

“I… I just- I don’t know how to say it.”

“Baby, c’mere. You know that no matter what it is, we’re in this together. There is not judgement. You can say anything you need to and I will still be here. What’s going on?”

“I just don’t want to seem selfish when I say this but I am worried about my career. With another baby, I will be off for maternity leave and it seems so horrible just even thinking about it but I am worried about how this baby will affect our lives. I don’t know what to think anymore. I just feel so overwhelmed and I don’t know how to feel about having another baby. You know I love our children and I would do anything for them but I don’t know if this is the best time to have another baby.” You hadn’t realised that tears were streaming down your face as you rambled on until Dean pulled you into his chest.

“Shhh, baby I promise we’ll get through this together and no matter what decision we come to, I know that it will be what is best for us and our family. Please don’t cry. Look, if you want my opinion, I say that I am overjoyed and more than happy to have another baby. With you, I would have a thousand. But it is also your decision. It will be your body going through all these changes and whilst I will be around, your job will be impacted the most. I also know that I won’t be able to be here all the time and I don’t know to leave you here completely outnumbered. So this is your decision entirely. You know where I stand and I will be here for you no matter what you decide.”

After a couple of talks and reassurances from Dean, other family members and your boss, you were finally ready to make your decision. It was decided that you would go through with having the baby. It was agreed that Dean would take some time off and his contract was fixed to allow him more time off with the children. Your boss also reassured you that you would be able to work from home as often as necessary and that your position would not be in jeopardy.

After a long 6 months and 36-hour labour which Dean was by your side for, a beautiful little girl named Aliyah Gabriel Ambrose was born. She had Dean’s ocean blue eyes and your little nose. She was incredible and you could stare at her for hours but exhaustion soon took over.

Whilst you got some rest, Dean was looking after Aliyah and watching over her. If she cried, Dean would hold her and try to stop her. When Dean couldn’t stop her from crying, he would reluctantly wake you up so you could feed her and then he would put her back to sleep. You had just finished feeding Aliyah and were about half asleep when you heard Dean speaking. At first you assumed he was talking to you but you quickly realised he was speaking to Aliyah.

“Hi sweetheart. It’s your dad here, God you’re so precious. I need you to know that I love you so much okay? And I’m going to do everything I possibly can to give you the best life I can. I swear I’m going to be around. You might not be my first but I’m still so fucking scared, shit don’t tell your mum. She’d damn near kill me if she knew.” Oh how right he was…

“I swear to you, you and your brother and sister are going to have it so much better than I did,” Dean continued, “I’m going to be there for everything you ever have, all the meetings, all the recitals and games, I’ll be there for all of it. I don’t know what I did in my life to be blessed by you and your siblings but I’m not going to screw it up. I can’t. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I ever screwed this all up and god knows I nearly did. But that’s never going to happen ever again. I love you so much and I’m going to make sure you’ll never forget it. Ever.” Dean ran his finger over Aliyah’s cheek as he spoke to her in a hushed whisper.

You slowly opened your eyes and held your arm out to pull Dean to you. He blushed as he realised you had been awake the whole time and listened in on the talk.

“C’mere bubs. Come sit.” You shuffled over so Dean could sit comfortably on the bed holding Aliyah and supporting her neck and head on his chest.

“You’re going to be as amazing of a dad as you always are okay? I guarantee it.”

“You can’t possibly know that baby, I just don’t want to screw it up. I can’t let these kids get screwed up.”

“You won’t. I promise you. I can see the impact you’ve had on Alex and Ally already. Alex is so incredible and thats because of the things that you’ve been teaching him. You’ve taught him how to work hard, to treat people with respect, to show kindness. This is all you. The same with Ally and I have no doubt in your abilities to do it with Aliyah. I promise that everything will be just fine.”

By the end of your speech, Dean was teary eyed and was moving to set Aliyah down so he could hug you without squashing her. He came back to the bed and pulled you into a gentle hug, being careful not to jostle you around too much because you would most certainly be in a lot of pain.

“I love you. So much. I promise to do right by you and our children.” He pressed a gentle kiss on your lips.

“I love you too. I have full faith in you Dean. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> [@moxleysbaby on tumblr](https://moxleysbaby.tumblr.com/)   
>  [@mitchellandhighway on tumblr](https://mitchellandhighway.tumblr.com/)   
>  [@callumhiqhway on twitter](https://twitter.com/callumhiqhway)


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